This morning I took the first step in God's new challenge to me. I'm not expecting this challenge to be easy, or to be able to do it all at once, it'll be a step at a time. There are hundreds of reasons for putting this off, but not least that it scares me, but I say that, yet I'm not that scared.

Ever since I was a little girl I've known what God wanted me to do. He's challenged me again and again, and if I haven't followed through on it, if I haven't listened then I'll discover at some point it's happening that way anyway. So part of me wants to say that I don't want to take this step because my discernment isn't keen enough, but when have I been wrong? When have my ears not heard? My eyes not seen? I went through a stage of not knowing how to find God, yet when was I ever without him? When I was at school I set my eyes to Corpus Christi. Part of it was that beautiful little college at Cambridge where Kit Marlowe studies, and that excited my heart, but really, really it was just the name... the name Corpus Christi. As soon as I found how to turn to Him again He showed me, He told me that I was to work within the Church, that I was to make this world see what Church really is. What church really is.... how it should be..... the Body of Christ.

I may take this one step at a time, and it may be another leap of faith. Yet to be deaf to something He's been telling me for years, to ignore something that He hasn't told me once, or even twice, but far more oft than that. I sit here and I stare at Circumstance, and wonder... how long we have left together, because I'm really not sure how long it will be. I know that if I start to use her to worship Him, then she'll stay... but what a challenge! Step by step.

So, after the amazing awesomness that was Imagine I went to Wales! I've been at a residential library in North Wales since Monday, things have been so awesome! Monday I was getting a train at a local train station that was almost impossible to work out. Walking across train tracks does throw one I have to say. I met this girl and God just let me speak to her, and let her open up to me... she started crying at one point! I can name ten people off the top of my head that He's done that to through me. I just kind of swoop in, tell them and show them that God loves them, and then I never see them again... Maybe one day they'll be a chance to see the change that he's used me to make in their lives, but more and more I have to leave it in His hands and just not know.

The library is amazing, I've been in there quite a bit reading. There are a couple of Bishops here one American and another Australian, they're 'recovering' from the Lambeth conference, but I'm learning lots. Especially from my new church of Wales friend who used to go to a Vinyard church and is now an Anglican Priest, she's great and we've had wonderful discussions. I'm getting a clearer picture of what I'm going to be doing next... I'm pretty sure that I've planned by dissertation, though...erm it would be a thesis if I wrote it how I want to... So some narrowing of the field will need doing! But hey I've got two years.

Anyhow I best be off.

SMdeB xxxx