A year ago I sat hear wondering how to regain my life, how to take control, and not long after I discovered it was not control, but surrender, not regain by recommit. To take all the wanderings and know God again, but not in a half hearted way - where I tried to remain in control, to keep the pain, to let the ghosts haunt me, in an entire way. I have been a Christian for more than a few years, yet I am still learning and re-learning to run to Christ first and foremost. To take away the vices and lean on the only crutch that completes the broken person. As a human being in Imago Dei I desire so deeply and innately that relationship with the Trinity that is God, how do we also run so quickly from it? Hiding and manipulating true gifts from God?

I look out at the gardens, a reflection of both God and man - God's ultimate creation, our humble ways of caring for that creation. How unworthy and made worthy are we! How so very blessed! How dare we destroy such amazingness! In every step we should mimic Jesus and be guided by the Spirit, never falling away from this. 2 Peter 1:10 for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall!!!! Why don't we follow this list : faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, charity. We need all of those, heaped one ontop of the other!