So life, as always, got kind of crazy again. My most true and constant friend these last eight years in hospital and tbh I'm scared, if I lost him that would just be too much, so I call him as much as I can, see how he's doing, I'm supporting him by knowing that I'm there, but I'm paying a price. It's been a long time since a phone conversations made me cry too sleep... it's been 12 years since that, like then it's because my heart is breaking, but unlike then it's not for myself, it's for him. I stand back and try to take my own advice, remind myself of who I am, that ultimate identity I have that is beyond this - that I belong to God. I would sacrificing my life for him, but right now I'm sacrificing something far more precious, I'm sacrificing my focus on the Kingdom. I was living like that song "I say goodbye to my father and my mother, turn my back on every other love and press on" I'm not living like that anylonger, I need to fall back in love with the King, because if I don't have that I'm lost.