I'm sitting here with an essay that needs urgent attention, hair that needs washing, a kitchen that needs tidying and... I'm just sitting here. The sun shinning on my face, listening to Savage Garden's Affirmation and Declaration the same song just played twice - the live version then the studio, 23 songs on shuffle and they follow one another.

I'm not doing anything right now and there are many things I need to do. I look around at all the things the intentions in this room and I start asking myself, 'what am I scared of?' because it is fear that is keeping me here, keeping me from motivation, from action. I look at the shelves and shelves of books and think about how many I want to read, knowing full well that if I sat down and started reading them it wouldn't take me long and I'd enjoy it. But I'm too scared... too scared to read...what!?!

Suddenly the answer comes to me, I'm scared of being me. My memories run back to summer holidays spent reading, dreaming, writing. The days I dedicated to that, that is who I am. Yet that girl was tortured and hated. I'm scared of the consequences of being myself. Yet right now. Right now I can be that girl, I need to be that girl, the girl who reads and dreams and writes and doesn't give a damn about the abuse she's suffer for it, because right now I'm not going to suffer the abuse from it. Not from the wonderful and lovely people around me who will be right there with me, the people who will help me dream, who I can talk ideas with. Who will never shoot me down for existing. The memories are coming back, but there is nothing I can do about that except learn not to hate myself for how I was treated.