I feel like just writing a incredibly short entry like this:

Last night was awesome, God is amazing. That is all...

But I won't.

Last night I got to the end of my tether with this stuff, I couldn't stop crying, and got so sick of it. I said enough is enough. What ever this is I can face it, because God is here, and with me. So I took out my candles, incense, oil burner. In a dimly lit muggy room I started to pray. Pausing I felt inspired to re-write Ephesians 6:10ff, which is in Greek on my wall, and as I copied it out again, I prayed, I prayed each bit of it. I put on the Armour of God. I carried on praying. Sent some prayer request texts out, because I knew the dangers in what I was doing, and I started to ask God why.

Then it came, the answer, the words that I had heard earlier... Righteous Anger, I was angry, I was so angry. Yet somehow, that anger had been manipulated into hate, hate towards other people, towards God, and in an incredibly self-destructive way, towards myself. I began to think about Adam, about how he died, and knew that I was angry and that was okay. I gave up the hatred that had filled me, hatred towards those who had threatened my life, those that had entered my dreams. I let it go, I let God take it. I began to worship God, I let myself go, and joy began to fill me again!

Then came the ultimate test, I took out the list that I had made, a list of situations to deal with, to let go of, a list that I would have broken down reading a few hours previously. I read this list, and I felt nothing, no anger, no pain. There was too much joy in my heart.

So let me say it again. GOD IS AMAZING!