I've also got to do something different with music, even though Amanda Palmer's solo music isn't going to drive me crazy like Girl Anachronism did, and so I can enjoy it's beauty, I need to really focus on giving my heart back to God. So it will be a weekend of Brenton Brown, Tim Hughes, Matt Redman, Rebecca St James and Casting Crowns - with maybe some Superchick thrown in if I'm feeling really upbeat!
The pain in my right arm is really starting to annoy me, and I've realised that it's a bit of RSI from playing Circe, which means I'm going to have to give the 'cello a rest for a few days. Though I can't say that's a bad thing, playing melancholic music doesn't aid, especially when I do it so badly!
... I just started to get distracted by Boundless! That's good... but Office Hours (one of the best column's EVER) can and must wait until at least tomorrow.
Over the next two days I'm going to re-focus my mind, going to work out eating properly as well. Track down some chorizo and made bean stew in my new casserole, that will made me feel better! Hum, still got to work out what to do with the chicken, maybe just do it like I did the last one, put it in the oven in batches to make extra crispy... I haven't done that yet because I just haven't been hungry... I really need to sort that out - though the reintroduction of breakfast has been AMAZING! Which is one of the reasons why I don't want to go on the elimination diet the dietician suggested, because I won't be able to eat rye, and I'll have to eat rice... which I'm technically allergic to which doesn't make sense! Also Lamb does make me feel sick... so I really don't see how that will work. Heavens! If that's been at the back of my mind all this time, then...no wonder. Okay, I really do have to stop worrying about that! I will eat. (not now because I'll not sleep!) But tomorrow, I will eat rye flakes with dates, figs, apricots and cranberries and goats yoguart. Then chicken and chips, with maybe some spinach (if its still edible!) if not, then some of the brassicaceaes which are in the freezer. Hum, then I'll make me stew!
Need a list now... going to update my other blog, then sign off and find some make-up remover... which is the only reason why I don't do this everyday! I miss it, dressing up. Grabbing random layers and putting them together and not giving a damn what the world thinks, I don't get why I only do it when I'm depressed, and it's not... it's not hiding (I mean... probably partially, because I was less noticed like that!) it's reverting to self, to self expression in the way I connect most! I feel more comfortable in a corset and a flowing skirt than I ever could in a pair of trousers! It would be better if I had some decent Victorian lace-up boots like I used to, but I'll have to make do with my modern shoes! (though to have ballet shoes inside is amazing, because I can feel the laces tied against my legs and if I take the boots off then I can curl up and feel the satin against the floor or my hands, and that's beautiful. Like being barefoot on a lawn on a dewy summer morning, the cool wet grass against skin, the sun shinning down, onto tiptoes, pirouette, cool breeze, hair flowing, simple long, cotton gown made off modest rough fabric - unbleached, like the dress I had from Harriet when I was 13, simple, elegant, comfortable. Dancing across that lawn, like the lawn at Upton, lying sleeping, going to the window seat, like at Cotehele, watching the rain pour down, then going to the Library, layed out like the one at Coughton Court. Oh my, dreaming little doormouse! Sleep!
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