Of Mice and Men

There is this suddenness that comes over me in the middle of the night, a great desire as I'm about to fall asleep to do EVERYTHING. I want to read everything that has ever been written, I want to know everything that's ever been known, I want to find a way to live in perfect harmony with God, to never find myself turning from Him and His ways and plans. Yet as I fall into that blissful sleep which takes far longer to come than I would ever like, they slip away, like the best laid plans of mice and men falling far away into memory.

I'd like to start waking up like I used to, maybe I need to get the right sleep, I used to bounce, quite literally, out of bed, jumping up and almost run to my bedroom window to draw the curtains and welcome in the sun, in the summer I would throw the window open and declare "Good Morning World." Absorbing the beauty of the day, that it was a fresh new day, my hopes would rise that it would be a good day and I would live like today was the last day I had on this earth, in joy and happiness. I've not lost all of that, but I've lost far too much. Perhaps it's just the way things expand, when hopes are dashed to the ground and knowledge of the horror of this world grows, how the rejection of this world seeps into the soul. Well, it is true that this world has never really had me, however much it tries, it doesn't have a chance, the world doesn't understand me because I don't want this world, I want the one to come, and this world hates me and so I struggle to love it. The more I have love for this world the more my heart is broken, and the more I turn to Jesus the more that heartbreak is healed, because this world and every single person in it, truly does reside in His hands.

Now that's enough for the middle of the night, I must get back to the best laid plans of mice and men that fill my head and maybe eventually sleep and hopefully in the mornings to come awake with a bounce.